I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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