dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
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