I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Someone signed my nipple.
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