my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
