found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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