Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
