How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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