i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
