I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
