do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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