my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
