we're blogging at a bar
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
