You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
