we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
