Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
