I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dick very happy bro
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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