he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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