you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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