My room smells like vodka and shame
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
