Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
