we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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