my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
