I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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