i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
