Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
