I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
