He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
