so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
