Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
