Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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