I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
