im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
