1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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