Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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