We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
