We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
