No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
