Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
