my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
