Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
