she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
