im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
