So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the day after is always just damage control
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
