If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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