Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
