i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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