why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
