I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
