Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
