a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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